Before the pearly gates

 

My sister lost her dear husband to the battle of Covid pandemic. In the past 18 months, several friends and family members lost their close relatives, parents, siblings etc. Losing a loved one is never an event you wish upon anyone. I remember the hard days our family walked through when my brother in law was battling the illness. It caused emotional havoc on every single family member, friend, neighbor and relative all over the world. As many friends lost their parents and as I stood alongside them through their pain, I realized, no matter how prepared you are to know that you will lose them one day, the pain and burden the actual event of loss brings on someone you care about is tremendous. The hope we all have is that our loved one is now resting in the arms of our Savior, the one we always talked about from the day we invited Jesus into our hearts as our Lord and Savior, that one day we will join with Him in heaven or He will come to take us home. Some of us were very little when we did that invitation – in our simple minds we invited Jesus in, and we believed as a young child that we will sit next to Him in heaven. I remember as a young girl, - falling in love with the thought of walking through the streets of heaven alongside angels, seeing Jesus daily!

And now, all these loved ones are truly experiencing this dream, being complete and whole in the presence of the everlasting love, that they always sang about, read about, and dreamt about during their life in this world. Some of these dear ones have suffered illness in their body. I have witnessed their body and part of their minds breaking down slowly with the suffering they went through. Day after day… moment after moment, being unable to do their daily routines, depending on others for assistance; there are times my heart was wounded deeply seeing their pain, and remembering their ‘good old days’. Their laughter, their achievements, things that made them happy, those made their heart worry, the goals that they desired to achieve, how their countenance changed when they did achieve them. My heart grew tender with the joy knowing that they are in a place where there is no more sorrow, no more pain. Their so appeared broken bodies and minds are now whole in the presence of their Shepherd, and none of those things that burdened them in this world matter anymore in the glorious peace and delight that they now experience.  

I realized this truth – that while I am in this broken world, in my human body that is imperfect and would one day perish, this is my only chance to worship my Savior with all my weaknesses, brokenness and imperfection. I realized that when I get to heaven, none of that would ever matter and all I would want to do is marvel in the presence of God and worship Him. But until then, I have a choice. A choice to go through this life, all consumed with the daily routine and see God and His presence once a week at church; or a choice to walk in worship as my lifestyle. That every word I speak, every action and interaction will burn incense of worship to the King of Kings. Here in this life, I want to live the remainder of my days knowing that I made that choice to lean in and hold fast, on my good days and bad, to the one who redeemed and restored all that the locusts have eaten. I lay down my crowns at the throne of His grace and continue to dream of the days I would walk through those pearly gates to meet my Savior – the one who gave it all on the cross for my redemption (Rev 21:21). I will worship and surrender all when I have a choice.

Written by: Anu Varghese